never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
