And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
