Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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