So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
