I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
