Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
