I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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