haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
