I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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