i wish peter jackson would direct porn
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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