Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
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