help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my shit smells like andre
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
