Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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