her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
