Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize
