remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
