I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
