THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You were trust falling into bushes
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
