hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
