____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Boobs are out for the taking
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
