He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
