Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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