the condom got lost in my hair
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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