I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
