do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
