Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
