just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I will pee on everything he values.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
