We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
