Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So squirting runs in the family.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
