i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
