I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
