Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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