Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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