okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
