we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
