I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
