Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
