Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All I want is dick and wine.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
