i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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