worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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