i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
