i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
