and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
