Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
