At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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