in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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