Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
