You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
