oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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