he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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